The Baseball Nerds Need a Wedgie
Updated: Jul 31, 2022
Powerful baseball nerds have far too much control over our beautiful game. As we know- power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Such is the case with these baseball nerds and their unchecked authority to gatekeep the Hall of Fame.
Nature has a way of finding its balance
When I was in high school, I didn’t witness the the kind of bullying you see in teen dramas. Not like in the O.C. when Luke punched Ryan in the face and famously said, “Welcome to the O.C., bitch!”
And I certainly never saw the kind of twisted social media stuff you see in Gen Z dramas of today. Side note- if you can’t tell, I watch a ton of TV.
We had wedgies. In the famous words of my former football coach, “Sometimes you gotta take your lumps.” When you were being out of line, you got humbled with a sophomoric wedgie.
The kind of things that warranted a wedgie could include, but not be limited to:
-Unplugging a video game mid-contest
-Inappropriately talking about someone’s mom/sister
-Reneging in Euchre
The key here is a wedgie is a consequence of being a selfish dipshit. These were simple rules of the jungle for us high school boys.
Baseball nerds have too much control
As I listen to sports radio, it’s abundantly clear that an entire group of people are long overdue for a wedgie.
Who are they? Nerds.
What kind? The worst kind- baseball nerds.
Jay Mariotti, blank ballot turner-iner
I’m talking about the Baseball Writers of America. What did they do? They kept steroid users – and more importantly – alleged steroid users out of the Hall of Fame. Now, I’m not a big HOF guy, but that’s not the point.
The point is, the people who vote on whether a man’s career is worthy of being in the hall of fame are making themselves the gate keepers of an elite honor for moral reasons.
To adequately serve a discussion on the steroid era in baseball requires a nuanced knowledge in what was going on in the roaring nineties.
If we’re all wrong, we’re all right
To oversimplify it, the MLB and everyone around it pretty much turned a blind eye to a bunch of dudes getting absolutely yoked and making the game more enjoyable. I get it, and no judgement here.
Who’s to say I wouldn’t turn a blind eye to it as well?
Now here’s where I have a problem: The baseball establishment can’t shame these former heroes later! They can’t be the mob wife wearing the mink coat and be feign surprise when the FBI raids their mansion.
They had your chance to speak up and crack down on these guys, but were too busy printing up Slammin’ Sammy Sosa t-shirts and profiting off these men.
Yet here we are. The BBWA wags its finger at those men, and by the nature of hall of fame voting, make themselves an annual story in moral elitism. The baseball nerd club had one last chance to vote in Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens and chose not to.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
Did these guys take steroids? Uhh… yeah, no doubt. Did the people they played against? Yes. So the end result is the people who excelled in this era are left out of the HOF, leaving out a crucial piece of the story of baseball in America.
A sport that pathologically clings to its history wants us to forget the last time its product captivated the entire country. This is fueled by the baseball nerds, and they could all use a wedgie right now.