Week 5 saw plenty of highs and lows. Thursday night was littered with poor play and washed Quarterbacks and we stumbled into the noon games on Sunday longing for some quality football after the total stinker from the Packers across the pond. The noon games brought about some quality football finally. There was plenty of fireworks to be had, but also quite a few duds. Another week is in the books, and another edition of Breadwinners and Bedshitter is finally here. Let’s get it!
Gabe Davis was due for a big game and it didn’t take him long to deliver. By the time I had fired up my Sleeper app on Sunday Gabe was already knocking on a 20-point game as he started off Sunday with the longest TD in Bill’s franchise history, 98 yards to the house! He wasn’t finished though as he also added a 62-yard TD as well. For the day he only caught 3 of his 6 targets but made the most of it with 171 yards. It could have been worse if the Steelers showed any signs of life in this game. Davis just about killed them by himself.
The Breece Hall breakout tour is finally underway and it kicked off in a huge way on Sunday. Hall was electric on the day totaling just shy of 200 all-purpose yards, finishing with 97 on the ground and 100 through the air. He just missed having his second touchdown on one of the long receptions and saw the Jets score 4 total rushing TDs that could have all easily been his. If you haven’t bought in on Hall you’ve likely missed the boat and he should be dialed in as an RB1 option from here on out. Breece Hall is now the RB7 on the season in PPR formats and he is just getting started.
Geno Smith may have already won the Comeback Player of the Year award through five weeks. He has continued to put up ridiculous numbers in this Seattle offense and looks as in command of it as Russell Wilson ever has. Geno currently sits at QB5 on the season ahead of Justin Herbert, Patrick Mahomes, Tom Brady, and others. Geno didn’t pull the win this week but he did have another 3 passing TDs on 16/25 passing. Eventually, Geno has to regress to being Geno, but for now, he’s playing as well as any QB in the league not named Allen, Jackson, or Hurts. DK and Tyler Lockett are every week starters again, and it’s in large part to the phenomenal play of Mr. Smith.
The fantasy world was abuzz last week as Rachaad White seemed to have been emerging out of this Tampa Bay backfield. While White still saw some work, Bell Cow Lenny emphatically answered his doubters. Lenny was a Breadwinner in every sense of the term Sunday, helping Tampa stave off a late surge by the Falcons. Fournetter carried the ball 14 times for 56 yards and a TD but really made his fantasy owners' days in the receiving game. In total Lenny hauled in 10 receptions, 83 yards, and a receiving TD.
Dalvin Cook has been solid but unspectacular so far this season. That changed on Sunday as Cook finally lived up to his draft capital. Cook had 94 rushing yards and 27 passing yards but also found the endzone twice in Sunday's matchup. In typical Vikings fashion the game came down to the wire and they needed every one of those points to hold off the Bears. We have still yet to see the best of Dalvin this season, but a spot on the Breadwinners list is just the motivation he needed to ascend back to the top of the RB rankings.
Taysom Hill is the most mercurial player in the NFL. A hybrid player who can’t seem to find a defined role. Hill played the most snaps of the season and still only saw 30% of the total snaps in the game. This is with the Saints missing Michael Thomas, Jarvis Landry, and Chris Olave, who unfortunately left the game early. 30% of the snaps is all Taysom needed. With his limited volume Taysom saw 9 rushes and made the best of them with 112 total yards and 3 scores on the day. In typical Taysom fashion, he also got to throw the ball one time and made it count with a 22-yard TD pass. On the day he saw more rushing yards than Kamara despite 14 fewer carries and threw for just as many TDs as Andy Dalton despite 23 fewer throws. Next week someone is going to start this guy and be really sorry. But watch out for that breakout game 6 or 7 weeks down the road when he makes his return to the list.
Aaron Jones/AJ Dillon
This was a dream matchup for the Green Bay Packers. The Giants came in reeling and haven’t seemed to be able to stop anything on the ground this season. Green Bay came in ready to exploit this with their two-headed attack. Aaron Jones has been solid most of this season, and he was slightly below solid on Sunday. He did have 63 rushes and caught 2 passes for 17 yards. This was still supposed to be a much bigger game for him and he shit the bed. The other guy in this backfield AJ Dillon, may be the biggest flop so far this season. Dillon was on fire down the stretch last year, and there are still those holding out hope we see a similar reemergence this season. However, fool me once shame on you, fool me five times, clearly I’m the asshole. No longer can I defend Quadzilla. He has been unplayable for weeks and he is clearly an afterthought in this offense. When he does get his chances he doesn’t capitalize. 34 yards rushing on six carries on the day keeps him right in line with his RB33 ranking on the season. For those taking notes at home, that’s one more fantasy point than Dontrell Hilliard this season, and lands him firmly behind juggernauts like Khalil Herbert, Damien Harris, J.D. McKissic, and Antonio Gibson. The shittiest of all the bed shitters.
Thursday Night Football last week was an absolute clinic on shitting the bed. Matt Ryan and Russell Wilson raced throughout the game to show which one was more washed. Ryan was 26/41 for 251 yards and 2 INTs. That game could still be going today and it’s likely that neither of these abysmal offenses would have found the endzone yet. Nobody believed that trading Ryan and bringing in Mariota would elevate the Falcons offense, but here we are. Ryan currently ranks 5 spots behind Mariota on the season and is scoring almost 3ppg less. Stick a fork in him.
Russell Wilson was my pick to “hold my beer” this season. For those uninitiated, we have a designated beer holder at the beginning of each season. Our beerholders are someone we can trust without a shadow of a doubt to hold it down for us, and we don’t have to worry about them drinking, spilling, or getting our beers spiked. Russell Wilson brought an entirely new meaning to holding my beer as he asked Matty Ice to hold his beer so he could flop even harder than the 492-year-old QB did on Thursday. As bad as Ryan was, Russ was worse. He completed 21 passes, had 274 yards and matched Ryan’s two interceptions. We are on the cusp of renaming the Bedshitters list to the Russell Wilson list. Wilson may not be roster worthy anymore, and I’m not talking about on your fantasy teams. The Broncos must be longing for Drew Lock at this point.
The real Jared Goff finally stood up, and man was it UGLY. The Lions have been an offensive juggernaut so far this season. In week 5 they were just downright offensive. Jared Goff was inaccurate and sloppy finishing with just 229 yards and an interception. The Patriots do have a great defense, but the 85 Bears, they are not. Goff goes back to being a questionable start, but hopefully, the bye week will get some healthy bodies back in this offense.
The NFL doesn’t have a mercy rule but Najee Harris and the Pittsburgh Steelers would have really appreciated one on Sunday. The Steelers were dead from the snap, and I’m still not sure that Najee Harris was even at the game on Sunday. He apparently had 11 rushes for 20 yards at some point. He was out-snapped by backup Jaylen Warren and the Steelers have a brutal schedule upcoming. If you haven’t sold Najee do it now. You probably won’t get much, but at least you’ll get this STANK off of your roster.
That's it for this week. Come back next week to see the new batch of players who rise to the occasion and become your next weekly Breadwinners, as well as the newest members of the shit list!